Amena Brown:
Hey, y'all. Welcome back to HER with Amena Brown. And if you didn't know, it I'm Amena Brown, which works out super conveniently for the title of this podcast. Today, we are talking about treat yo self. Hmm.
Amena Brown:
In season four, episode four of Parks & Recreation, Tom and Donna introduced one of my favorite concepts, Treat Yo Self Day. Hmm. I hope I have some Parks & Rec fans listening. I've learned quite a few things the last few years of life, and then some particular things about what it means to treat myself during the pandemic and all of the additional stressors that so many of us are walking through right now. So I thought it would be cool to dive into some of this for today's episode. I wanted to share with you all a few things that I use to treat myself.
Amena Brown:
I'm working with a coach right now, and we were talking about just some tough things that I've been navigating these past few months. And one of the things that came up in our conversation is, when you're going through something that's really difficult, to think about what you can do to bring yourself comfort during that time. And I thought that was a really powerful thing to sort of put my brain around as she and I were talking about it.
Amena Brown:
We talked in the session about what are the things that I do that bring me comfort? And who are the people that bring me comfort? So I throw that powerful question out to you all today as we talk about treat yourself. And for us, we're not talking about just treat yo self day, we're talking about how to have a rhythm of treating yourself, which I think can be such a fun thing and a wonderful thing, too.
Amena Brown:
So that's what kind of got me thinking about that, because that was part of my homework assignment that I wanted to give to myself. Coming out of the session with her, I wanted to think about what are the things that bring me comfort? What are the ways I can treat my myself? So the first thing I thought about is certain smell-good things bring me comfort. That is one of my first go-tos for how I treat myself. This applies to candles, shower gel, body sprays, bathroom sprays, and essential oil, particularly when I'm using essential oil and a diffuser, right?
Amena Brown:
Smell is really important to me. There's something about certain fragrances that just having a really nice shower gel that I love the smell of like that feeling in the shower or having a bath bomb that I love and being able to smell peach or mango or vanilla or sandalwood, mahogany, there are just so many fragrances like that that bring me comfort, but also the different fragrances sort of have different roles for me. I think I'm a very compartmentalized thinker in this regard.
Amena Brown:
So when it comes to like relaxation, I love lavender. That's my first go-to. When I traveled on the road a lot, I would like a little travel essential oil diffuser, and I would have my like 100% lavender essential oil. And sometimes I would mix it with peppermint or sometimes I would mix it with eucalyptus. And even having that in the room when I traveled, first of all, made it feel a little more like home, but also just helps make my mind realize it's time to wind down for the day, it's time to let go of whatever the stressors were of the day.
Amena Brown:
I love vanilla as well. And I love mango. I love rose as a scent, a lot more than I thought I would. I've never been a person that traditionally loved roses. My husband knows me so well and knows about me that when he gets me flowers, he typically never gets me roses for the most part, because he knows if I'm going to get flowers, I love a bouquet of all these different flowers. I love sunflowers. I haven't been a person that loved rose or that rose fragrance.
Amena Brown:
And of course it depends what it is, right? That sometimes you're smelling sort of this imitation of rose fragrance. But I got into this shower gel that I love that smells like rose. And then it had a matching lotion to it. And I think, actually, it's a mixture of rose and something sweet, the way it smells. So I love rose. That's one of my favorite things.
Amena Brown:
And I have scents for all sorts of different things. I have the scents I use to relax. I have certain scents I like for when I want to focus on work. I have certain scents I like for date night or sexy time. Mm-hmm. Because the living room is a place for grown people. The HER living room is a place for grown people. Mm-hmm.
Amena Brown:
And I have certain sense I like for what I need to clean up or a certain scents I like to smell that makes the house feel like, oh yes, it's clean, tight? I'm sure many of you, when I said that you, have like certain sense that you remember maybe in your parents' house growing up or your grandparents or wherever you grew up. Some of my friends tell me it's Fabuloso. That is the scent that they're like, yes, things are clean when I smell that or a Pine-Sol.
Amena Brown:
For me, it's always something that's between something that smells lemonade and that smells like bleach. That feels like, the house is clean. Okay. Yes. We love to see that. The fact that I love things that smell good and that things that smell a certain way bring me comfort. This leads me to one of my major Treat Yo Self purchases, candles. Okay. I want to discuss... I want to just sit in a moment and talk about candles for a second.
Amena Brown:
So, first of all, in my pre-pandemic life, I had a mostly road life. Which meant the rhythm that my husband and I had, for the most part, we spent many years traveling together. And then there was a period of time where we were starting to get gigs that where both of us were booked. So I might be booked in this place and he might be booked over here, right? But either way, we were still sort of having these season time that were very event-based. It was either based on travel or based on even like they were local events. There were still events, event schedule you had to stick to, right?
Amena Brown:
Versus our home life when we had time at home, time in our offices, just to get to experience what home is like. And I think that brought out a couple of things. I think sometimes that meant that we didn't really have the time to make our home feel like home, right? And then I think there were also times that there were certain things we really gravitated towards doing because we so enjoyed the time that we got to spend at home. Because even all of the creature comforts that you can think about doing when you're traveling, it's like it's still not going to be home. There's nothing that's going to be like home, right?
Amena Brown:
And there would be some periods of time, especially once Matt and I got to the point where we were doing our business together, we were in our business together, but we were doing work with separate clients. We were doing separate events that we weren't doing together. There would be these different moments of rise and fall in the schedule where sometimes it would get really busy for him, but it would totally slow down for me. Right? And typically, in pre-pandemic times that would happen in the summer and around the holiday time between Thanksgiving and kind of Christmas time.
Amena Brown:
For the summer, for me, things would kind of slow down. A lot of the events that I was doing weren't really going in the summer. I was talking at a lot of colleges back then. I was doing a lot of conference work. And conference work kind of follows the school schedule a bit. So it was sort of like by the time the summer came, my whole schedule would be cleared. And that would be the time that my husband would be really busy working, having different events he was doing, different clients he worked with.
Amena Brown:
So I would always joke with him that that was my time to sort of have a short period of time to act like I was a stay-at-home wife. And I want to talk about what my fantasies about being a stay-at-home wife really entailed. Because it's one thing.... Some of my friends who are stay-at-home wives or partners who are stay-at-home parents will tell me this. It's a very different experience when you are the partner in the relationship that stays home when either the other person is rich or both of y'all are rich.
Amena Brown:
And all of my dreams of being a stay-at-home wife were based on being rich. My friends who were stay-at-home wives, partners, parents, right? They would say, yeah, this job is challenging period, but it's a especially challenging when I'm staying home and now we on a tight budget. That's different. What you do with your spare time is different. But my grandiose dreams, whenever we hear the term, which no one says anymore and I don't see them anymore, but I remember when I was growing up, rich people were always like eating bond bonds. Or when other people would make a reference to someone rich, they would be like, they don't do anything, but sit in their house and eat bon-bons.
Amena Brown:
And now I'm like, what is a bon-bon? And how can I get one? I'm going to find out about that and report back to y'all. So I would joke with my husband like, wow, I don't have any events, any work to do. I'm going to have two months where I'm going to live my like dream stay-at-home wife life. Now, of course, my husband and I are not rich. Okay? So I could not do the things that were really in my dreams to do like buy new curtains, just start getting all the flooring redone in the house for no reason, but that my mood has changed. Get things painted in the house. Decide this whole furniture set is nothing. And I need a new set of furniture.
Amena Brown:
Those were kind of like my dreams of what I wanted to do when I thought I was going to be a rich stay-at-home wife. And I will tell y'all something. I was 31 when I married my husband. I have to have a separate episode, probably telling y'all a little bit more about my dating history. But I didn't start dating as an adult until I was probably 25, 26 was my first time really going on dates as a grown woman. Separate from high school and college, right?
Amena Brown:
And I remember at the time that I was between 25 and 27, I would go out to all these different events and mingle things in the city. And a lot of the men who approached me and wanted to go on dates with me were anywhere from seven to 10 years my senior. So if we just used the 10 years as an example, if I'm 26 at the time, there were men who were 36 wanting to go out on dates with me.
Amena Brown:
And a couple of them were rich or wealthier, well-to-do men. Some of them were not rich, but they were well-off in the sense that they were well established in their careers, they made good money. And I learned from these dates, which never made it to relationships, they would just be these 1, 2, 3 dates and they'd be like, no, no, thank you. I learned from these dates the type of woman that they were looking for. And a lot of them were looking for a woman that was going to be willing to become a well-to-do or rich stay-at-home wife.
Amena Brown:
They were looking for someone that was willing to give up her career entirely, who was willing to have children if possible, who was willing to manage their household, make sure there was food ready them to eat when they got home. And then you are pretty much going to spend the rest of your time decorating the house, going to get your manicure, pedicure, facials, whatever stuff you do like that. And that was going to be your life.
Amena Brown:
And in my mid-twenties, I contemplated it, y'all okay. I contemplated it. Because I was like, I'm working this job I don't like. I'm meeting these in men who are willing to sort of buy me out of this life of having to be concerned with this money, maybe this is a thing that I could really do. And then I discovered, oh my gosh, no, I can't do this.
Amena Brown:
One of the guys I dated, it's clear that he never made it to a relationship with me because I still cannot remember his name. But I remember that I called him Mr. Lavender Pants among my friends, because one of our dates, he came to the date wearing lavender pants. And it wasn't just that they were lavender, and then that threw me off for some reason, it was also that they were starched to the high heavens, y'all. They were starched like he didn't starch them himself. He sent them to the cleaners and was heavy starched. Like if he took those pants off, which he never did that I saw him. Okay? But if he took those pants off, those pants would've stood up on their own, is how heavy they were starched. Plus he had on sandals and black church socks under the sandals. I digress.
Amena Brown:
So Mr. Lavender Pants, I don't even remember how we met, y'all. I just remember we went on a couple of dates and he was starting to ask me like, so you work at blah, blah, blah company. How's that going? Do you see yourself like climbing the ladder there? And I was like, no, I definitely don't see myself climbing the ladder there. And he was like, oh, okay. He was like, do you see yourself wanting to have children? I was like, yeah. He was like, oh, okay.
Amena Brown:
And then as we're continuing to talk, I'm realizing like, oh, do you cook? I'm realizing, oh, I thought we were on a date. I'm kind of on like an interview situation with you. And he was basically like I'm... This happened to me more than once during this season of life in particular, dating men of this age. This happened more than once where it just came down to like, if this dating turns into a relationship and then we decide we're going to get married, spend the rest of our lives together, would you give up your job and do these things for me?
Amena Brown:
Which basically meant, if we have kids, you taking care of the kids, you taking care of the household, you're managing all those things. When I get home, I want there to be some food on the table and then I want there to be sex. That's basically the agreement. And I was like, well, I don't know that I would mind that life, but I do intend on being a writer, though. So there would be sometimes that I'm sure I'd be writing a book or working on an article or an essay or something. And things would always get kind of tricky when you got to that part.
Amena Brown:
So, I guess I got close, potentially, to my dream of being what I imagined is a rich stay-at-home wife, but there was some agreements there, y'all, that I just couldn't keep up. I just couldn't keep up with that. I was like, I think what you're saying you want is I think you want something that's like a combination of like a nanny, a made, a cook, a house manager that also has sex with you somehow. And that is not what I want for my future.
Amena Brown:
So I rescinded that life. However, whenever these times come where my work slows down and my husband's work is so much busier, my main thing that I afford to treat myself to do as a, I don't know where I am. It's not a rich stay-at-home wife as a stay-at-home wife that has a few dollars. For two months. It's normally two months I have this experience, and then it's like, boom, I got to get back to work. The schedule has picked up now. I treat myself two seasonal candles and hand soap.
Amena Brown:
I know. That ain't the same as picking out new curtains. Okay? I know it's not the same, but this is what I've decided I can commit to with my work schedule, plus my husband's work schedule and on a realistic number of money that we can actually spend on things. So I decided I was going to become this person. I'm like, I'm just going to have like fall hand soaps, fall candles, then I'm going to have the sort of holiday winteresque, hand soaps candles. Okay? Then we're going to have a springtime situation. Then we're going to have summer. Then We're going to go back again to fall and I'm just going to switch these out.
Amena Brown:
And at first I did this because I love hosting, my husband and I both love hosting people at our home. So I like for people to go into your bathroom and they've got a nice candle there, a nice bathroom spray, a nice hand soap to represent the season. Then the pandemic happened and hardly no one was coming over here. So I was like, well, I treat myself to nice hand soaps and nice candles because I like it. And it's our house. And we should enjoy our home as well.
Amena Brown:
Okay. Now, let's discuss. My main place for purchasing these items, I'm not going to lie, is TJ Maxx. And I do have times that I order from like a small business that specializes in making candles. I do have times that I do that. But for the most part, that doesn't happen often because when I typically am in need of candles, it's like a spur of the moment decision that I've made.
Amena Brown:
So yes, I started out hoping I would become a person that would switch out the hand soaps and the candles seasonally, but the pandemic has really brought me to a place where emotions have caused me to go to TJ Maxx and get candle wasted. First of all, there's not that much damage I can do, going to get candle wasted. That's different than getting purse wasted or shoe wasted. The amount of money that I'm going to spend is not going to be like something that is really terrible to have to explain on the bills. When my husband's looking at me like, why is it thousands of dollars on candle?
Amena Brown:
It's not going to be thousands of dollars on candles. It's going to be however much I've decided I'm going to be wasted with, but it's still going to be a reasonable amount of money. Right? Okay. I have gotten candle wasted because something really sad happened. And I was like, I need some candles in here. I need the comfort of the way the light of candles is so warm and cozy. I need the comfort of the scent of these candles. Okay.
Amena Brown:
I have gone to get candle wasted because something really great happened. And I was like, I want to celebrate myself by. When Christmas time comes having a candle that smells like a Christmas tree, even if I don't actually have a Christmas tree. Okay? Okay? So I have a lot of reasons that have led me to getting candle waste and it's been a wonderful experience.
Amena Brown:
But let me tell, y'all. One of the last times I went to get candle wasted it was earlier this year. Something very, very sad had happened and I was like, you know what? Mm-mm (negative). I'm over life right now. I'm going... I went to Starbucks. I treated myself to a little... Oh, I think because it was earlier in the year, it was before springtime had come in. So some of the holiday drinks were still around. And that's my main time that Starbucks is my thing.
Amena Brown:
I really don't go to Starbucks often because in the area we live, we have so many amazing mom and pop shop coffee places like local coffee. So normally I'm doing that, but during the holiday time, which we are now in and approaching, there's some Starbucks drinks that I do need to have. So I treat myself to Starbucks. And unfortunately for me, there is a TJ Maxx like three doors down from this Starbucks.
Amena Brown:
So I go over there. I am sad to the hilt. I'm just filling my little cart up with all the candles I can think to buy at the moment. And there is a gentleman who is standing near me, also looking at the candles. He is humming, humming, humming, just a wonderful, sweet tune that, for some reason, is in his mind that day. And I'm kind of looking at the candles, putting a couple in my cart. And then he's humming. And it kind of like I'm looking at him out of my peripheral vision.
Amena Brown:
So kind of looks to me like he's humming. I see him picking up candles and it looks like he's doing a dance. So I actually turn to look at him. And y'all, I realized that he's shoplifting. He's doing this sort of, it looks very like this choreographed routine where he's humming and he's picking up the candles. And he has this way that he's sort of dropping them down into his book bag. And then he'll grab another one with the other hand and drop it down into his book bag.
Amena Brown:
So at this time, I realize a couple of things. Number one, I realize I'm not going to be the one to blow the whistle on this man shoplifting these candles. I don't know why he's shoplifting them. Maybe they're for a boo. Maybe he just likes to have his candles to smell nice in wherever he lives and this is the method he's chosen to receive these candles. I don't know.
Amena Brown:
Either way, I was like I'm not going to be telling on you today, but also I can't be standing here while you do this. So then I have to take my cart and do a pretend shop where I like go all the way around TJ Maxx for a while and go looking at some other stuff when we know good and well, I came up in there because I wanted to get these candles.
Amena Brown:
And in a way, it was kind of like a little chuckle that I got to myself on what was a very sad day that day. Because I was like, wow, I'm having a terrible day that has led me to these candles. And whatever's going on in this man's life that has brought him to the place where he is shoplifting these candles, wow. Hmm. So I came back, of course hoping that he hadn't taken all the good ones, and he was gone. Finished my candle situation. And I was like, hmm, you have so many things happen to you when you go to get candle wasted.
Amena Brown:
And let me tell you, I've learned now that candles can also be a part of spiritual practice, right? So I keep a candle or two in my office. I like to light a candle sometimes when I'm working. If I'm working on something that I feel nervous about, I like to have a lavender candle in my office. Right now, my favorite candle is actually a pumpkin spice latte candle. And it smells so amazing. And I cannot really have coffee like that very much. So to be able to have a candle where I can have that coffee smell every day has been very nice.
Amena Brown:
I have candles that I light for when I need to wind down. I got this idea from one of my best friends, Adrian. She told me that sometimes she'll have a candle, that when the day is over, she'll light that candle and just the scent and the action of lighting it is her way of telling herself like, work is over, the day is done, we're winding down now.
Amena Brown:
I like to have candles in each bathroom. I realize that those of you that are listening that have little ones or little kids in your house, this is not an option for you. So I do understand that. But since there are no kids here and it's just my husband and I, and for the most part, a lot of our friends don't have little, little ones that would be reaching up, putting a hand on a candle, we keep candles in the bathrooms.
Amena Brown:
And I probably need to have a separate conversation with you about why it's important to me to keep candles in the bathroom. Let me do a side note right here. I actually just did a rant with my assistant, Leigh, about my need for candles to be in the bathroom. Okay. Listen, everybody has to go to the bathroom. And sometimes people are at your house and they have to go number two. Okay?
Amena Brown:
My husband and I have hosted many food holidays. Sometimes up to like 20 people have been in our house at one time. I know that some of those people going to have to go ahead and do a serious bathroom situation. Here's what I don't want for you. I don't want you to have trepidation. It's a bathroom. That's what you're supposed to go in there and do. I go ahead and light a candle for you. Number one, because I'm thinking of you, but also because the candle is going to help your situation if you end up having a surprise boo boo or something come up with you. Or maybe it wasn't a surprise and you knew it was happening. You had to rush in there and go ahead and handle that.
Amena Brown:
I provide you with a candle in the bathroom. I'm thinking about you. I'm thinking about me. I'm thinking about who has to go in the bathroom after you. I'm thinking how you don't want to be embarrassed by however it is left there after you had to do your business. I not only provide you with a candle, I provide you with bathroom spray, too. I can't tell you how many other people's bathrooms I've been in that have neither of these things. I understand for the people who, for safety reasons, cannot keep candles in their bathrooms. At least have a spray, people. Okay?
Amena Brown:
And let me speak a word to the event planners in this situation. Okay? I told you all that. I used to go and travel all of the country, doing all types of events. And nine times outta 10, I think this might be particular to churches for some reason, because a lot of times when you're... No, I was about to say this is just particular churches, but it's not because sometimes this happens to you in a venue. A lot of places where people are performing, where speakers are speaking, there'll be a big green room. And guess what? The green room only has what? One bathroom.
Amena Brown:
Do you know how many artists or speakers need to get that number two out of the way before they go on stage? Y'all couldn't bring a candle in here? Y'all couldn't bring some spray? Do you know I have had to go before I go on stage? And it's like you want to go ahead and take care of that. You don't want to be out here on stage. You're already having so many things to think about when you're performing. You're paying attention to the audience. You're remembering your material. You're gauging from the crowd how things are going. You can't also hold your pelvis together to make sure you don't go to the bathroom. No. You need to clear that situation. Bladder and bowels need to be cleared out before you go on stage. And those are just the rules. I don't make the rules. Those are the rules. Okay?
Amena Brown:
Let me tell you about a time that I had to go real bad in the green room. And the bathroom is like near a bunch of people. Okay? So you're already worried, can the people hear me when I'm in here? You hoping the music is loud enough, whatever. I had to go and look around. Y'all, there's no spray in the room, except there is a spray, there's a bottle of lavender scented spray starch. That was all I had to help me and the others who have to come to the bathroom after me. Right? I shook that spray starch and sprayed it. But what? It's spray starch. It literally just ssh right to the floor. It's not aerosol. It's for your shirts. It's for Mr. Lavender Pants who wants to put creases in his jeans for some reason. Okay? It is starch, but that's what I had. So that's what I used.
Amena Brown:
So when you were in my home, if you were ever to be in my actual living room and you're a guest over here, there's a can and there's bathroom spray. And if, for some reason, a candle isn't safe, so we've got little kids in the house, there's bathroom spray. You feel me? Because the people need it. Okay? If you have an office, put spray in the bathroom. Put it there. It makes the world better for everyone. Okay. That's my rant.
Amena Brown:
Also, I use candles as a way to be an indication of the rooms I have finished cleaning up when I'm cleaning the house. So it's like once it's like, here, we have vacuumed here, we have dusted. I light a candle in that. I go to the next room. A lot of times my husband and I are doing this together. So he's doing the floors and I'm doing the countertops in the kitchen, light a candle. I like having candles as this way of knowing when something's about to begin, when something's about to end, as a comfort for your guests in their time of need.
Amena Brown:
Let me speak another word about candles. One of my friends said something to me that I thought was so powerful. And I don't know if she said it because she grew up doing this in her own religious traditions that she grew up with, but I told her something that had happened in my life. That was rough. It was rough, rough, rough, rough. I told it to her. And she said, you know what? She said I'm going to light a candle for you. And she explained to me that, for her, when she would light candles, that that was prayer to her. That she would have, sometimes, specific candles in the house that she would light. And just the action of lighting that candle was this way of saying in her soul that she's thinking of this person, of the things that they're going through, she's remember them. That for her, that was an action of prayer, which I thought was so powerful.
Amena Brown:
And I think about that a lot. This is a season of time as you were listening to this in the fall, this is a season of time for me where I really, really love to have candles in the house during this season. And it's a good way to hold space to remember... I didn't know how much comfort it would bring me to have someone say they would light a candle for me. And I have thought many times I also want to be loving and gentle enough to myself to light a candle for myself sometimes, too.
Amena Brown:
And even the action of lighting a candle for someone, sometimes people are going through such hard things that you don't have the words to say to them. If you are a person who prays, you may not even have the words to pray, but the action of lighting that candle can be this expression of what's in your heart even if you don't have the words to say. Speaking of words to say, apparently I have a lot of words to say about candles. So, Yankee Candle, sponsor me.
Amena Brown:
Other things I do that are treat yourself moments for me, I enjoy a pasta night where I just cook pasta for one. My husband works most weekends. So I have a lot of like Friday and Saturday nights to myself. And sometimes I hang out with a girlfriend like really the concept of the HER living room. Really does happen for me with my girlfriend. So sometimes I'll have a girlfriend come over and we'll piece together some little snacks or meals or whatever between her house and mine. Or sometimes we'll order food or make food.
Amena Brown:
But I've been enjoyed some Friday nights, especially because Friday, I don't know how y'all feel, but sometimes Fridays, I feel like that is not a day I want to have any social activities on Friday night. I just want to be at home. I just want to chill, especially if it's been a long week. And part of the pasta night is me also learning to enjoy my own company that I also like to hang out with myself. I have lots of people I love to hang out with, too. But that I can also love to hang out with me.
Amena Brown:
So sometimes I'll take whatever leftover veggies we have for the week and make pasta like that. Sometimes I'll find a red a recipe that I really want to try and I might run by the store and just pick up those ingredients. And just making enough pasta. It's not the same cooking that I might do during the week that I'm trying to do meal prep and make enough to last for a few days or several days. It's just something to eat for that night. And that a wonderful way that I love to treat myself.
Amena Brown:
Also, I will say wash day has become a big opportunity for me to treat myself. And those of you that are listening that have natural hair, all the Black women listening that have natural hair know what I mean about wash day. Wash day is this tradition in the natural hair community. And for me, at first, when I first went natural, wash day was just like a lot of learning because I hadn't dealt with my natural hair in 20 years? So it was mostly like educational and experimenting. But now that I've been natural over 10 years, I have an idea of the products my hair likes, of the routine that's good for my hair.
Amena Brown:
And shout out to my hair stylist, Brandy Sims. She has helped me so much to continue with healthy regimens for my hair. But I used to bemoan wash day, taking a long time. And now I just like to actually plan a day to wash my hair where I can take my time, where I'm not rushing for it to be done for anything, and just luxuriating in my hair products, in the way they smell, in the way they feel on my hair, in getting a chance to investigate how my is doing. Is it thinning out at some places that I didn't notice? Is it growing? Just all of that taking time to tend to myself.
Amena Brown:
And I think for me, and I know for a lot of Black women who have natural hair, there's still a lot of stigma that we have to undo about what we were to hot about our hair, that our hair is too much, that our hair needs to be tamed, or controlled, or whatever those things are. And just letting my hair be itself. And when I'm taking my time with my hair, that's also taking time with me and that I deserve that whenever possible.
Amena Brown:
I wanted to close by talking about this because I know, a lot of times when we say terms like self-care, which I talked about this a little bit in my conversation with Bethaney B. Wilkinson recently, when we talk about self-care, sometimes what I've been talking about is what comes up, right? We are talking about ways we pamper ourselves, maybe. And that's not all that self-care is. And I hope to have some other episodes to talk to you all more about that.
Amena Brown:
But I want to talk about ways you can treat yourself that don't involve money or big-ticket items, because treating ourselves, even self-care is not only for the rich, the wealthy, the people who have this blah, blah, blah money. Treating yourself does not have to involve money. And there were many times in my life where I couldn't afford to get candle wasted. There are times now that there are things I would love to treat myself to financially that I may not be able to, but there are ways to still luxuriate even without having to doll out all this money.
Amena Brown:
So here's some ways you can treat yourself that may not involve spending lots money, or may not involve these big-ticket items. You can treat yourself to a nap. There are some days that you just need a nap. And when you can, you should treat yourself to that. Naps are free, but they can also be really great if you are having trouble sleeping at night, if you are going through some things in your health or hormonally, for some of us, treat yourself to a nap.
Amena Brown:
You can also treat yourself to moments of silence or moments of quiet. I know for some of you listening, you may have a very bustling household. You may have children in your household. You may have a household that's full of lots of pets, lots of family members. For some of my friends that have households like that, they say the bathroom is their one place, or their car, when they have like that one part of their commute that it's just them in the car, you can treat yourself to a moment of silence, a moment of quiet.
Amena Brown:
You can treat yourself to a dance party. If you have an album that you love, you can play that album while you're by yourself and have an opportunity to just dance. Nobody's looking. You don't have to be worried about that. You can treat yourself to some music that you love. Some music that makes you feel good. You can treat yourself to a listening party. And this is so that my husband use to do when we were living in our old place that we have been able to do for many years and I hope to get back to it.
Amena Brown:
But we used to have a listening party at our house. And we would invite all of our friends that were working in artistic, creative, industry. We would invite them over. We would pick an album. We would play the album from beginning to end. And we would all just sit and listen to it. And people would bring their journals. They might bring a sketch pad or a canvas, and they might draw, or they might write, or they might just sit and listen. And then after we finish listening to the album, we would talk about what it meant to us, or maybe we'd share whatever we had decided to create if we had created something while we listened.
Amena Brown:
And this is something you can do with some people that you love. It's something that you can do just by yourself. Take yourself back to a time where we might have listened to an album all the way through, or take yourself through a playlist that you love and listen to that playlist. Have that teenage moment that many of us had where we really just had our headphones in and got to enjoy our music.
Amena Brown:
You can treat yourself to books from the library. The library is such a rich resource in our community. I hope that you're supporting your local library. It's such a great place. I definitely have had times in life where I cannot go to these books stores and buy more books. But I could go to the library. I did that as a child a lot. They have newspapers there, and books there. They have music and DVDs there. You can even check out eBooks from the library as well.
Amena Brown:
Those are things that you can have a chance to experience that are ways you can treat yourself that don't cost you anything. You can treat yourself to books you already have in your own library. And this is something where I really need to take my own advice here, because sometimes I'm kind of a book collector. I don't know if any of you are like this. And so there are some books that they come out and I'm just like, man, I want to have a copy of that in my library. And I buy it. And then years go by and I never actually read the book. And so just even returning to some of the books that you may have around that you haven't had the chance to read can be a wonderful way to treat yourself.
Amena Brown:
And my last tip of a way that you can treat yourself that doesn't have to cost you money, that doesn't have to be a big-ticket item is talking with someone who makes you laugh and leaves you feeling full and not drained. That's a beautiful way to treat yourself. I thought that was such a powerful question when my coach asked me, who are the people that bring you comfort? And people that bring me comfort are the people that I can wear whatever when I'm around them, that there's a lot of joy and honesty in our relationship.
Amena Brown:
So think about who that is. You probably had a name that came to your mind already when I said that. Call that person. If they can safely visit with you, if you can meet up somewhere or if they can come to your house, you go to their house, hang out in person. If you can't do that safely, try Zoom. If you're all Zoomed out, try talking on the phone or having some other app where you can communicate with them. Try to spend time with people that are not always there to drain you, to take from you. Think about the people that really leave you feeling refreshed, replenished. They leave you feeling filled up and refueled in the best way.
Amena Brown:
Those are some ways that you can treat yourself that don't have to cost you any money. Whatever happens, whatever you decide are your methods of treating yourself, you deserve it. So I hope this week, you are thinking about at least one way that you can treat yourself this week. Think about something that you can do for yourself, to celebrate yourself, to make yourself laugh. If it's something that you want to buy, buy it. If it's something that you can get without buying anything, then do that. But as our great innovators, Tom and Donna from Parks & Recreation, taught us, whatever you do this week, treat yo self. Thanks for listening.
Amena Brown:
HER with Amena Brown is produced by Matt Owen for Sol Graffiti Productions as a part of the Seneca Women's Podcast Network in Partnership with iHeartRadio. Thanks for listening. And don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.