Amena Brown:
Hey, y'all, welcome back to another week of HER with Amena Brown. And y'all, the living room, the couch is just in a very exciting time because so many wonderful people are getting to come in and do a few conversations. So, I am so excited to welcome Faitth Brooks into the HER living room.
Amena Brown:
Faitth, I feel like what I did almost just then is I almost said a thousand titles that I think of when I think of you. Maybe I should still say them and then you could come back and tell the people, "No, that's not true. No, Amena is making that up." So I'm going to say writer, podcaster, entrepreneur, consultant, anti-racism ... What would you say? Would you say anti-racism educator, anti-racism writer? How would you like title that part of your work?
Faitth Brooks:
I usually say educator typically.
Amena Brown:
I said it right, anti-racism educator. Can cook, can burn, can put together a fit. I just learned how to say a fit just now, because Faitth showed me how. Keeps you on trend.
Faitth Brooks:
You're doing good though.
Amena Brown:
Uh-huh.
Faitth Brooks:
You're doing good.
Amena Brown:
Faitth Brooks, here in a building. Thank you so much for joining me.
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah. Thanks for having me. I'm excited about this.
Amena Brown:
You were one of the first people I thought of, so y'all, I wanted to have a series of conversations about internet friends, because I realized there are quite a few people in my life that I started out having been friends with them from social media. And then we became friends in real life. And I think you and I have an interesting story to tell, because I think we met in real life first, but then we went all these years where we didn't actually see each other in person.
Amena Brown:
So we cultivated our friendship actually online on social media. And just the way you navigate your platform on social media, Faitth, and how social media has played a role in your writing and in your career, how your career has progressed. I just thought you would be so perfect to come on and talk about this.
Amena Brown:
So let us first begin, Faitth, with how did you and I meet? Because now you've been in my life so long, I feel like-
Faitth Brooks:
Time flies by, right? I'm thinking about that too. That was probably seven years ago, if I'm doing the math, correct. I'm not even good at math. So thank God I married a mathematician basically. He loves math and I've given up on doing any kind of major math. I don't do it anymore.
Faitth Brooks:
But we met in 2015 at a women's event. And I remember distinctly because I was walking into the stairwell and you were coming back out because I think you had just done a spoken word or something. And I commented on it, but we had a really quick Black girl moment. And we had been kind of vibing a little bit throughout the event every time we kind of saw each other. And by the end of the event, we exchanged numbers, which was something you never did.
Amena Brown:
That's true though.
Faitth Brooks:
But we exchanged numbers and you were like, "This is not my burner phone. So, don't be passing out that number."
Amena Brown:
Not Faitth telling my secrets. She ain't told a lie though. So some of y'all that think y'all got my phone number, some of y'all got that burner. But you didn't. I didn't give you the burner though. I didn't. You're right.
Faitth Brooks:
You didn't. But here's the thing. See, if somebody gives you their contact information like that, you can't abuse it. You know what I'm saying? You can't just be hitting people up all the time. So we had exchanged numbers, but we weren't texting all the time. So what really happened is we got to know each other through social media and that's really where we started to chat. So more of that Instagram platform is where we began to connect.
Amena Brown:
I remember this now that you are bringing this up, because I think I had gone through a phase where I was meeting different people and I would just give them my number right away. And then I quickly realized that that's a big, old regret, especially with the type of work many of us were doing at the time. You're constantly doing event work. You're constantly traveling in different cities. Sometimes even if you ... I mean, I don't do this anymore, but I used to travel alone sometimes too. So they would send somebody to come pick you up. That person has to have your cell number.
Amena Brown:
Child, people would come to Atlanta and be like, "I'm out here going to the Braves game. What you up to?" I'm like, "Who is this?" "Oh, it's so and so I was driving you around in whatever city." And I was like, mm-mm, and a couple of my friends are like, "You need to use you a burner phone and stop giving all those people your number."
Amena Brown:
But every now and then, I would get a vibe about someone, which is totally the vibe I got about you. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to try it and see you didn't abuse it though.
Faitth Brooks:
I mean, that's the thing. That's the key. Some people, they talk about networking and things like that. And they take advantage of people, really. They take advantage of having people's contact information, messaging them. That's why people have boundaries. And that's why people have burner phones. You know what I'm saying?
Amena Brown:
Okay. Because you don't have time to be dealing with that mess. So Faitth, can you talk me back through your social media history? It's so wild sometimes to me to say words like social media history because when I think of history, I think of things that happened decades and decades ago, centuries ago, things like this. But it is important to know a person's social media history because I do think that plays a role in how we decide to navigate our relationships online as well. So what was the first social media platform that you were ever on?
Faitth Brooks:
The first platform I was ever on was Zynga.
Amena Brown:
Come on, Zynga? Come on. And take us back to that, Faitth. Tell the people, what did Zynga do in comparison to what people know social media to be like now?
Faitth Brooks:
Zynga was kind of like a blog. Essentially, you had your profile. You got to write what you wanted. You could put pictures, you could follow other writers. And so we would follow each other. And it was just kind of your first kind of dabble into this blogging world, except you had your site, your picture. You had things that kind of signified, this is your of Zynga profile. You could build it out. You could change the colors. You could change all kind of stuff about it.
Faitth Brooks:
I used to spend hours on my Zynga profile because I wanted it to be hopping. You know what I'm saying? I want my bling it up. I want you to read what I got to say. I want you to look at how good it looks, all that stuff matters. So this is in the beginning too, because you had to use coding as well. So, I didn't really know that it was coding back then because I was just kind of doing whatever. But you had to learn the codes to change your colors and stuff. It wasn't fancy the way it is now, how you do it. We had to input the codes for what we wanted and you build your space out. So that was the first thing.
Faitth Brooks:
Then I went to MySpace. That was a hit for a minute. You had your Top 8. That was that whole thing. Friends fighting for spots.
Amena Brown:
Boy, getting the messages like, "Why I'm not in the top?" And I'm like, "I don't want ..." Now I got to find the code for a Top 16, because there was a little cheat code you can use.
Faitth Brooks:
Yes. So Zynga, MySpace. From MySpace, then Facebook hit the map and it was for university students at the time, which was dope. It felt better. It felt exclusive. Your mom wasn't going to be on it. And then a few years into it, they opened it up to everybody and we were like, it's ruined. So that was that.
Faitth Brooks:
And then Instagram, so Instagram popped off. That was better. So as young people switched over to Instagram and said, "Let our parents have Facebook, let our grandparents have it." And then went over to Instagram. Somewhere during this Instagram and Facebook time, I joined Twitter. I'm going to be honest with you. I am on Twitter now still. However, I have never been one of those people to garner thousands of followers on Twitter, have a lot to say there. It's just not my main medium. It really isn't.
Faitth Brooks:
And while I think it's nice, it's anxiety-inducing for me to be on Twitter. I'm not even, like I could be having a decent day and you get on Twitter, the world's on fire, we're all about to die, and everything sucks. So that's just not the platform for me to highly engage in. So I'm there. I joined there a while back. I mostly just read what people are saying, when I do decide to get on there.
Faitth Brooks:
And then I went over to TikTok in 2020.
Amena Brown:
Nice.
Faitth Brooks:
And started TikToking it with them kids. So, they're probably mad I'm over there too, just like I was mad when the grown people joined Facebook. I know they're like, "What? What are you doing over here, millennial? Get out." But I'm here. Some of them are welcoming me with open arms. So, I'm thankful. I'm glad they let me in their sanctuary of space. So, I'm just trying to learn what the kids are learning.
Amena Brown:
Yeah. Because TikTok does seem like a place where whatever the ... I feel like in every season of life, there's always somebody that's the generation. So I feel like the generation that is the generation right now is probably that like Gen Z and maybe the generation that may be a little younger than them now. And TikTok is the place. It seems like they're not really on these other platforms because apparently, we would be their aunties now or something.
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah, exactly.
Amena Brown:
They were trying to be away from us, but appreciating some of us that come over there that are also using that platform as well. So I always love that about you that you're able to know what's trending and get in there and learn the language. I feel like I am not an early adopter in that regard. By the time I probably figure out TikTok, it's going to be some other wham blam that other ... The kids are going to be over there like nobody's TikToking. It's like holograms on wham blam. And I'm going to be like, "Oh, I just learned how to do this dance. I ain't over here no more?"
Faitth Brooks:
They're going to be on Web3.
Amena Brown:
Please. Because y'all, I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know what Web3 is.
Faitth Brooks:
Oh, Web3. That's the next iteration of the internet. That's where we're going. We're going to Web3.
Amena Brown:
Wow, Faitth. So what is Web3 doing? We're going to open up our hands so that we can see a hologram? That's what I always think.
Faitth Brooks:
I feel like it's something similar to that. I'm not going to misspeak here because I don't have a deep, deep understanding of it. But NFTs, that's like diving into Web3. So, stuff like that. So if I'm saying this right, which I'm probably not, so y'all don't come for me. I'm not an expert. But essentially, it's trying to have an iteration of the web where creators have more ownership of what they create. So that's a part of what Web3 is going to involve. So NFTs are kind of a part of that.
Faitth Brooks:
So that's why they're kind of taking off. So it's creating more of this digital space where people are actually purchasing this digital content rather than the platforms having ownership over what you create.
Amena Brown:
Wow.
Faitth Brooks:
And there's more. There's a bunch more business-y side of things that I have zero idea about, but essentially, it's just another iteration of where the internet is going to. I'm still learning, I'm watching videos about it. But that's just where it's headed.
Amena Brown:
Y'all, I feel ... See, this is also why you need internet friends so that you can get a little bit of education because I didn't know what Faitth was talking about until just now and still probably have a 2% understanding. But-
Faitth Brooks:
I'm still early in my understanding. We're just trying to do our best over here.
Amena Brown:
That's it. Yes, Faitth. We love to see it. So when we talk about internet friends, I think in my mind, when I say internet friends, I think I could mean two different things. I feel like they're internet friends that are not my friends in real life, but that I do connect with them in the online space. And then I would consider internet friends to be friends that I either met on the internet or the internet was our main connector for a long time before we became the kind of people that would go to each other's houses or would go see each other. If we don't live in the same city, we'd visit each other when we're in the same place or something.
Amena Brown:
So, I want to know what's your criteria for an internet friend. And if we are going to say there are two kinds to over-generalize, how do you know? Even if they're not your friend in real life, how do you know if that person is your internet friend versus just someone you follow or versus just being someone who follows you?
Faitth Brooks:
So let's start with the internet friends where we're just purely, our friendship stays on the internet and it really doesn't go beyond that into our personal lives. I would say with those people, it's typically, we are chatting about something that's just kind of like, that brings us together. So for me, there are some Black women that I talk to that we just kind of vibe about Black women's stuff. And we like to talk about that and laugh at different videos or somebody might send me something and we just kind of end up connecting in that way.
Faitth Brooks:
And it usually happens slowly and organically over time. And I mean a significant time, like a year, two years of kind of conversing a little bit here and there, back and forth. We share a common interest. We kind of have something that kind of propels us into more communication or it's even like we have similar fields, lines of work as writers. Then they might want to ask me a question about, "How did you do this? Or how did you begin your writing career?"
Faitth Brooks:
And so we kind of talk shop about stuff like that. It's pretty common. And then there's people that I don't know if we'll be friends outside of the internet, but I'm willing to meet them and find out. So there was this one girl, I saw what she did. She kind of lived around this area, I just moved to the DMV. So we decided to meet up. We talked shop, we laughed, she was dope. I was like, oh yeah, we could totally be friends outside of the internet. She was great.
Faitth Brooks:
And so I will oftentimes, I haven't done that as often as I used to, obviously. We're still within a pandemic, but I used to do that all the time with people. I would talk to them, we'd meet up. And then from there, I would either be able to determine if we're just going to chit-chat online or if we have enough commonality beyond that one thing we connected on to actually connect in real life outside of one shared interest.
Faitth Brooks:
And that's kind of usually how I know. If I can vibe with you about multiple live things and not just one thing, and then I feel like I can show up as my full self and I don't have to put on a facade for you, then that's a key. Also when people are kind of have really high expectations of me, this is the internet version I see of you and I'm expecting you to be that internet person in person, then I know it's probably not going to work because I'm human.
Faitth Brooks:
And how we engage online is different than how you engage in real life and in person. And it doesn't mean that you're not being genuine to who you are. It's just the fact. When I'm talking online, I'm talking to my phone, into my phone and it goes out to the people. But in real life, we're talking social cues, we're talking about nuance, complexity, body language. All those things factor together to let you know if you're really going to be able to vibe with a person or not. So I take all of those interactions into consideration.
Amena Brown:
Without being amiss, can I just ask, when you have to meet up with someone that you knew online and then you have in real life meeting, what are the vibes that make you go, "Oh no. It's not for us. It's not for us to be friends in real life. It's just the internet for us"? Are there certain vibes or is it just based on that individual person? Like in your intuition, you're just like, "I know. And I'm good. There's no shade, but I'm good."
Faitth Brooks:
I feel like it's some of both. But to be honest with you, when I meet somebody and we're vibing, it's like conversation feels effortless. It's almost like we don't run out of things to talk about. And also, I don't feel like I have to be the driver of the conversation.
Amena Brown:
That's a good point.
Faitth Brooks:
I am an extrovert. But I don't want to feel like I'm interviewing you and I don't want to feel like you're interviewing me. So if we can just have fluid conversation and the conversation can flow to me, that's one big telltale sign that, "Okay. We're going to flow after this and get along after this."
Faitth Brooks:
But if I feel like I'm having to interview, if the conversation's kind of dry, if we're having these really awkward silent moments, if they're asking me questions that feel a little bit invasive a little bit like, "Okay, you've seen and experienced me online, but you're asking me things that feel a little bit soon about my personal life or relationship," then that gives me pause because I don't know you yet to that extent. So why do you need to know? And why are you asking me these questions?
Faitth Brooks:
And so that's where I have caution and pause because you can't just open up about your life to just anyone. And if in our first interaction you're trying to be like, "Okay. So tell me this, tell me that, tell me what's your darkest secret?" You know what I mean? I'm like, "That's weird, bro. I don't even know you." So, oh, I don't like that. I do not like that. And I'm going to say something and people are probably going to side by me, but one line I absolutely dislike. It doesn't mean I dislike the person who says it. I dislike this line. "So tell me your story."
Amena Brown:
Oh, no. I hate to hear that. I hate to hear that.
Faitth Brooks:
I just don't like it.
Amena Brown:
Nope.
Faitth Brooks:
I don't like it. I feel like everybody has a long and complex life that has led them up to the point that they're at. And it feels like too much work for me to try to rack my brain on how to give you a condensed version of who I am and how I became the person that I have become thus far. I would rather organic, genuine questions that are appropriate for this setting and where we are in our conversation for me to answer. And then we can interact and vibe from there.
Faitth Brooks:
I feel like to me, there's stages of questions. There's a basic one. Where are you from, the work you do? People might ask about your relationship status, which is kind of hairy, but whatever, all that stuff. And then you kind of move into other elements of conversation. Let's say if we meet the second time, we're going to talk about some different stuff. But to come out of the gate and expect that? Wooh, it feels like too much.
Amena Brown:
I'd be tired. I'd be tired. As soon as you said, what's your story? I was like, "Oh no, please. Is there a button I can unsubscribe? No, I don't want. I don't want to talk about that. Nope."
Amena Brown:
When you were talking about sort of that difference between how people perceive you online versus the person that you are, that you are not viewing that as like I'm two different people. Here's Faitth on the internet and here's Faitth in real life. For you, that's all one person. But there are times because of the way social media exists, that people, there is sort of a persona that they see of you, a way they perceive you that may make it difficult for them to actually receive the person that you are in your real life when you're not trying to take this particular picture of yourself or when you're not trying to respond to this particular subject matter.
Amena Brown:
And I really identify with that having had a career that was somewhat public in a sense. I feel like what you described of sort of the internet version of you, I feel like a lot of us as performing artists feel that way to a certain extent that people sort of have this like, "Oh, I saw you sing that. I saw you do that poem, that dance," whatever art it is you do.
Amena Brown:
And then there's this sort of perception now that you're not just Amena. If Faitth and I are hanging out, audience ... I was about to say dear reader, but dear listeners. If Faitth and I are hanging out, I can be in my sweatpants talking to Faitth. I can have my face fully made up or no makeup at all. And it just doesn't matter because I know that she is going to receive me for who I am, how I am. There's not any particular way she's expecting me to perform in a sense.
Amena Brown:
And so it has been interesting for me as an artist trying to, I think really trying to navigate those boundaries before social media and then social media added a layer of that, that people saw you live. I'm sure you experienced this part too, having done events and having been speaking and things like this. Right now, people have this like, "Oh, I saw you do that live. Or I heard you speak live. And now because of that, I followed you on the internet."
Amena Brown:
So now I'm just adding layers to my perception of who I think you are, what I think you do or don't need, what I think you do or don't have, all those things. I would get a lot of assumptions from people that I was lonely, that I didn't have community. I would go to events and people would be like, "If you ever need anybody to talk to, I'm just here." And I would be like, "But what are you here for like? You know I got people. I got good people." Just because I'm at this event. And I like to be myself on stage. So I like to share things with you, but I'm not sharing it all with you, number one.
Faitth Brooks:
Right, let's start there.
Amena Brown:
And number two, I have people I cry and snot with them. If things is going on, I have people I can pick up the phone and we had just met. So, that would not be you. Let's just try to, let's back it up, start a little, give ourselves like you said, more basic questions. A favorite color, a favorite carbohydrate one likes to eat, let's start right there. We don't have to jump in, if you ever need someone to talk to. I already have those people.
Amena Brown:
Let's me and you figure this out, where we're going to be. But I think that adds these interesting elements when your work involves sort of having something of a public platform, as well as building community on social media. So, having been on social media as long as you have, and having experienced various sundry platforms and at various parts of your career as your career has grown and blossomed, what boundaries have you found that you've had to draw around social media for? Could be just your own health, could be as you develop relationships there? What are some of those boundaries that you felt have been helpful for you?
Faitth Brooks:
So one boundary that I developed was that I would not share about my dating relationships anymore until I was engaged. And if I did share, I wasn't going to share a picture of the person I was in a relationship with. So, there was this one guy I dated forever ago. We broke up, I posted a picture of him and I didn't even have a lot of followers at the time, but for years people said, "Oh, are you still with that guy?" And I was like, "Ew. No. I've moved on. I deleted all his pictures. Don't y'all know the context clues. He don't, okay?"
Faitth Brooks:
But from that experience, I was like, "You know what? I'm going to keep that part of my life private." And then as my social media grew over time, which it really kind of exploded in 2020, I was like, "Okay, I'm still even more committed to my decision to not post that person." So my husband now, when we started dating, which was the end of 2020, I straight up told him, "I'm not posting you. A part of my career is being on social media. I'm not trying to hide you. I just want privacy." And I'd never regret that. I wanted to have something to myself, and I told him that. This is one thing I do not want to share with everyone.
Faitth Brooks:
And so, personal moments like that I keep them to myself until I'm ready to share them. But did I keep my word when I was engaged and show his face? Yeah. We're about to get married, okay? So, I did show him then, but before then it was just kind of like I'm dating somebody and I'm happy. I'm wishing love and light and bliss for all of my sisters. That's kind of like where my head was at.
Faitth Brooks:
So when it comes to what I want to post and how I post, that's evolved over the years. I spent the last two years heavily focusing on anti-racism content and educating white people. And then I got tired of it, and I was like, "You know what, join me on Patreon. So if you want to get some more of that content, hit me up over there." Because getting harassed on the internet for saying bold things when it comes to addressing race and racism is exhausting. And honestly, it's just not fun.
Faitth Brooks:
And so I just had to make a decision for myself like, what do I want to focus on? And the truth was I wanted to focus on cultivating Black women and cultivating and exploring Black joy. And I wanted, why do we as Black women not see each other happy and love and enjoying our lives and being loved? And so all of that kind of coincided with what was going on in my personal life, dating an amazing man and then getting engaged, and quickly eloping and starting our lives together.
Faitth Brooks:
And so all of those things kind of caused me to lean into my softness more and wanting to talk about that, because we're married now but I'm still learning how to be soft with my husband. I'm still learning how to accept this incredible unconditional love. And it's been a beautiful experience and worth waiting for. But I know so many Black women who feel like that's not in the cards for them. And honestly, I felt like it wasn't the card for me either. I feel like an anomaly, a fluke, like I don't know how I made it through, but hey, I'm glad I made it. But those are things that I want to write about.
Faitth Brooks:
So I try to stay genuine to where I'm at in life and what flows out of me freely. And if anti-racism isn't flowing out of me freely, it's not going to be on my page freely. That's just the truth. I can only speak to what I feel flows out of me openly.
Amena Brown:
Ugh. I love what you said about how you valued your privacy for some areas of life. And that is so real and so wise. And I do think there, I mean I guess always on social media, but I feel like when I was first getting into that sort of Instagram, Twitter era, I do feel like there was sort of this idea that, well, here is the place, you say it here first. If it's raw, if it's whatever it is, you just put it up here first, that way, it's ...
Amena Brown:
And that's true for some people to give that sort of rawness to their platforms. It's a part of their healing journey for some people. I am not a person that heals that way. I have to heal with my close knit people. If I am bringing my rawness into a public space without my close people knowing about it, for me, that would be a not good sign. People who are close to me would be like, "Okay, let me get on Amena's DMs," like everything is not okay.
Amena Brown:
So I know everybody approaches that differently, but I loved that you were able to make that choice for yourself because there are so many things that when you have any element of a public platform, there are so many things that just end up out there kind of feeling like in a way will now that belongs to everyone, or now that belongs in this particular space.
Amena Brown:
My husband and I have been married, it'll be 11 years this year. I don't think I've ever shared publicly all the complete details of how he proposed to me. But I did it on purpose because there's a part of that that I only tell to people in person, not on a recording. If I was just talking to my friends and we're just out somewhere, I would tell them all the details. But there's certain parts of that that if I'm on a podcast recording or whatever, I leave it out.
Amena Brown:
Our wedding video, I don't think I've ever even posted any clips of that online yet. I'm not sure the format it's in that we even know how to get it online. But some of those details, I do treasure having those to myself. And having the choice at some point if I decide I do want to share that, then I can. But having the choice that it's mine and how much of it I want to share or not is up to me. It's not something I have to feel pressured to put out there or not. So, I loved the way you shared that.
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah. Because I also feel like when you do have a platform, you're inviting people into your life and if you have people that are invested and feel close to you and close to your work and they know you, then I also feel like you're putting people in an odd position when you're kind of like opening yourself up to them in a way about what's going on in your life. And then let's say things are awry and they can tell and they're like, "What's going on?" And then you're like, "Well, I don't have to tell you," but you've opened up the door for people to have those wonderings.
Faitth Brooks:
And so I try to the best of my ability not open up doors that I know I want closed. So let me not open up doors of my personal life that I would prefer for you not to be in. So I'm open about sharing how I met my husband and our love story. And I love sharing with people our love story and how everything happened with the matchmaker for us. But I don't go into nitty-gritty details about my relationship with him. I don't go into a bunch of our daily life kind of stuff.
Faitth Brooks:
I show him in video, but I usually ask him for permission. And we talk through those things because he's not big in social media. And so he has his own boundaries, so we're not doing a bunch of video content together all the time. There's just things that I respect about his life, his story, and what he would also prefer. So, I'm not opening up doors for conversation that I just don't want to have to close for people.
Faitth Brooks:
And maybe one day I'll make a mistake and open up a door and have to close it. But I just feel like for me, it'll be like "I shouldn't have said that. Sorry, we're going to backtrack and I can't talk about that anymore." But I do think that it's only fair in some senses to kind of create that boundary, so you don't have to deal with the backlash of your overshare because that can be hard. Oh, I overshared to 30,000 plus people and now I have to try to take it back.
Faitth Brooks:
So I try to really monitor that because I don't want to overshare. And people talk, come on. People talk. So whatever you say, people are going to try to put together context clues and then throw everything together. And so it's just really important if you know an area of your life you want to be private and sacred, just keep it that way.
Amena Brown:
Yeah. Make that your choice. That's a proactive thing that you can do in your relationship to social media and the internet. I love that. I want to know, Faitth, do you have any other fun internet friend stories when you think about your time on the web, on social media?
Amena Brown:
I love that you brought up Zynga and MySpace because those of us that are a bit OG in the process, it's like there are so many different iterations of what content you were putting there and how you might connect with people based on the content that you put there. So, do you have any other fun stories you can tell us of times that the internet brought you a connection to someone?
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah. So the funny thing is, is that with every platform, I think of it distinctly different because to me, the people on each platform that I engage with are different as in the types of people. And so I was working this job and at the time we really engaged on Facebook and Facebook groups. And we were touring around and we were going to make a tour stop. And so because of that, I said to this group, "Hey, I'm going to be in town. If you would like to meet up, let me know. I'd love to connect with you." And one person responded and said, "Yeah, I'll be at the event. I'll come to your booth and we can talk."
Faitth Brooks:
So this girl shows up, true to her word, comes to the booth and I was kind of busy. So she ends up helping me. It really kind of started off with me on the inside of the booth, her on outside. So we were just chatting because she kept having to move over when people showed interest in what I was talking about. And then eventually after like an hour, she was behind the booth right with me. So then we just started talking back and forth while she's behind the booth. And then it went from her being behind the booth to, "Hey, let's go sit together. You can come sit with me. Forget your seats."
Faitth Brooks:
So we sat together and then the night ended and I had to pack up and she was like, "Hey, I'm still hanging out and I'm around. I can help you pack up." And I found out that night that everybody else from the tour was flying right back home when I was the only one that had a later flight. And so I was going to be stuck that night by myself and then everybody was going to be gone.
Faitth Brooks:
So she said, "Well, pack up your stuff. I'm actually going over to my aunt and uncle's house tonight. If you want to come over for dinner and you can hang out with us there." And I said, "Why not?"
Faitth Brooks:
So I packed up all the stuff from my booth at the tour, I gave it to everybody. And then they're all looking at me like, "Of course, you're going out with a stranger," because I always met a friend in every city we went to. I told a friend I was going to be there. So, I always had friends coming to different cities. So they were like, "Of course, you're going to go out with a stranger. This is not surprising to us," and have dinner with their family. And I was like, "Yeah, I mean, what could happen?"
Faitth Brooks:
I mean, she seemed nice enough. So I ended up going with her, went to her aunt and uncle's house and she come for this event. So she's also just visiting her aunt and uncle. She doesn't even live in this city. So I ended up going to hanging out with her aunt and uncle. I was staying at an Airbnb, I believe. Maybe it was a hotel, I can't remember. We had a long dinner, laughed. They thought we had been friends forever. Like, no, we just met today.
Faitth Brooks:
And the next morning, she woke up at the crack of dawn, picked me up and took me to the airport. And we are still friends to this day.
Amena Brown:
Oh, my gosh.
Faitth Brooks:
... on the internet.
Amena Brown:
How fun? What a fun story. Oh my gosh. Faitth, I love that story. I mean, I think it's interesting to me, Faitth, because, and I'm also going to have my sister on as one of my guests for this internet friend story because my sister and I are almost 11 years apart. So when my sister got on Twitter, she would meet her Twitter friends in person all the time. And when she first started doing that, my mom and I were freaked out, like stranger danger.
Amena Brown:
You know how like there was a time where people sort of felt like, "Oh, I don't want to share that I met this person I'm dating online," because people had all that like, "Oh no, you met online," like there was some sort of shame.
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah. They would want to say they met through a friend.
Amena Brown:
Yeah. And so I feel like sort of at that era of time, there was this different idea of how much in danger you could be. And then it does seem like over time, online dating still has dangers and we'll talk about that on another episode.
Faitth Brooks:
Yes, it does.
Amena Brown:
But regarding meeting friends that you've met on the internet, it seems like for a lot of people and I feel this way for a lot of my millennial friends as well, feel like there was just a period of time where that stopped feeling like this dangerous thing. It felt like, "Hey, that's a thing I can try." Do you remember in your early times of meeting friends online where your parents, or I know you have an older brother, where they ever like, "Where are you going and who are you going to be with? What is going on?" Were they ever like that?
Faitth Brooks:
Oh yeah, of course they were. I think the reason why I had less kind of like ... I was more just like go with the flow with it, less inhibition, was just because I was a social worker. That's what I got my bachelor's and master's degree in. And I was doing case management right out of college. So, this whole fear of going to meet strangers and see strangers, you had to be rid of it really quick, because you were going to strangers' houses all of the time. Every new home you got was a stranger. And so you had to go to their house. So because of that, I was not nervous about meeting new people that I didn't know, because I was so used to meeting strangers.
Faitth Brooks:
Now, I will say that there's a part of me though that needed to have more caution because I got into some sticky situations when it came to online dating, because sometimes I just didn't have that same stranger danger. And so I think it's one of those things where you always have to tell people where you are. I did that even when I'm just meeting a girlfriend or a girl that I've kind of been able to connect with. I always, somebody always knows where I'm at or has my location. And I'm always communicating about who I'm with, what their name is, et cetera.
Faitth Brooks:
So, practicing some of those things are really important habits to have. I travel so much. My family just has my location. And I tell them where I'm going because it's really important for somebody to have that knowledge. But I will say for me, I usually just have to rely on my discernment, and sometimes I hit it and sometimes I'd be missing it. You know what I'm saying? We're human. And so it's one of those things where you have to be really wise about these internet friends you're meeting with.
Faitth Brooks:
And I kind of feel like you can kind of feel the vibes from people. You know what I mean? You can kind of feel the vibes from people online. So, if they're kind of sketch and you're kind of having a question like, "They're nice, but," just don't even meet them. Don't even consider it. Just let it go because some people, they're just not worth meeting. Some things are organic and it's great, but there are some people who just don't have good intentions towards you. They can seem like they do and they don't, or people have obsessive and compulsive personalities. Those are all things to look for as you're exploring, having internet friends.
Faitth Brooks:
But would I still meet a stranger to this day that I don't know? Absolutely, I would still.
Amena Brown:
Yeah. Especially now you can kind of have some guidepost. I mean, I know the pandemic kind of like messed up some of that because now you're like, "I want to meet you, boss. So what's the COVID protocols?" And you got a lot of other conversations that happen-
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah. I'm asking a lot of some different questions.
Amena Brown:
... come into play than we had pre-pandemic. But I feel like sometimes I would try to also, and I'm sure you did this too, it would give me more comfort if we had mutual connections like I knew other people that either maybe knew that person in real life even though I didn't. And I was just meeting them on the internet. Or sometimes, I have had some people I met in person that we just had a lot of the same online connections. A lot of the people that I followed that I knew online followed them.
Amena Brown:
And so that gave me like, I got to watch them interact with people that I knew, and that gave me some sense of like, "I could go to a public place and have coffee with you." You can't come to my house and I'm not going to your house, but I can go to a public place where there's coffee, ice cream, food to eat, security. I could go there and check the vibes.
Faitth Brooks:
Exactly. Mutual friends is a big key. I've met a lot of people that we had mutual friends. And that always feels way, it just feels much safer. And it feels less daunting when that's the case. So I would definitely say mutual friends feels really easy. So, I'm always open to that.
Amena Brown:
Yeah. Faitth, you gave us so many tips and things to think about. I just want to ask this last question and then I want you to tell the people about this good tea that you have. You have some things coming out. So, I want you to tell the people about these things because sometimes, when it's the tea, it's not really good tea.
Faitth Brooks:
Okay, listen, let's be honest there.
Amena Brown:
But it might be good to me to hear it, but it may not be good for the person whose tea it is. But this time it is. This time, this tea that Faitth has to share is going to be good tea. Are there any other tips you can think of Faitth that you would give for people? I know a lot of people talk about how it is more challenging in this day and age to make new friends, even with social media sort of being this big connector of a lot of us. It can still be hard to do that in our adult lives, when we're out of school.
Amena Brown:
Many of us are working virtually now, working remotely. It can be really challenging to make those new connections. What tips would you give to people that are like, "I want to make some new friends, maybe the internet might be my best place to do that"? What tips would you give people on the best way to sort of begin building some genuine relationships using social media?
Faitth Brooks:
Yeah. So, I think what I would do is if you do have those people you're having organic conversations with in DMs, y'all are laughing, you're cackling, you're like, "Okay, this is cool. We could probably like hang out." If you live nearby, definitely say, "Hey, let's meet up somewhere." That's always the great thing.
Faitth Brooks:
One thing I do too when I move to a new city, sometimes I'll say, "Hey, I'm in the area. Does anybody else live near here?" And I just kind of see who pops up and we talk maybe a little bit and I can see if, okay, yeah, this is a person I'd want to engage with or not.
Faitth Brooks:
The other thing that I would also say is really just being open to unconventional ways of meeting people. Yes, the internet is great but there's also like Meetup.
Amena Brown:
Yeah, that's a good one.
Faitth Brooks:
So if you're in the DMV area, I just want to let y'all know a secret. I never told nobody, but I got a DMV Meetup group. It's called Zen Black Girls. If you're in the DMV, you want to do some things with other Black women, hit me up.
Faitth Brooks:
I just did it because I just knew that I needed an outlet to socialize with more people. And it's hard, and so I didn't feel like cultivating a whole bunch of conversations in my DMs. And so I decided to start a meetup and that's a great place to start. So, check out your city's Meetup. I've gone to a few meetups over the years and I have not regretted it.
Faitth Brooks:
So if you're more introverted or it's nerve-racking to you to talk to people in DMs, then you should definitely look up meetup.com. You can download the app and you can find meetups that fit your interest in your area. I think that's a really great way to start.
Amena Brown:
Ooh, that's a great tip. Always forget about Meetup. That's a good, strong connector right there, y'all. It has so many options and things. Oh, that's so great, Faitth, and so many great tips too. Tell the people this good tea that you have brewed for us today. Faitth has a couple of things that are on the way out. They're on the way out, where you can get access to these things.
Amena Brown:
So, tell us what is happening, Faitth. How can the people, they want to connect more with some of this new work that you're working on? Tell us the vibes.
Faitth Brooks:
So here's what's going on, y'all. Life happened. A lot of good things happened. And so I'm writing some books. So the first book is called The Anti-Racism Journal. It's questions and practices to move you beyond performative allyship. That comes out, June 7th, so you can pre-order it now. Wherever books are sold, all you have to do is look up The Anti-Racism Journal, Faitth Brooks. My name is spell with two T's. It is not a typo. So, you can just put that in there.
Amena Brown:
That's it, that's it.
Faitth Brooks:
The other book, man, y'all I have poured my heart and soul into this book. And Amena has heard many messages of angst and wow, how many times do I have to write and rewrite for this book? But it is called Remember Me Now, A Journey Back to Myself and a Love Letter to Black Women. And that book comes out January of 2023, which I'm super excited about. And honestly, it's for Black women.
Faitth Brooks:
Now, the lighter, brighter white folks, y'all could read it and you should.
Amena Brown:
The lighter, brighter is really-
Faitth Brooks:
But this is for Black women. And I want any and every one to pick it up because oftentimes, we pick up books that are not meant for us and we can read from them and glean things from them. And so I think there's a lot of things that women of color will glean from and see similarities in.
Faitth Brooks:
But I wanted to write something to my sisters because I remember being in bookstores, wishing there were more book written by women that looked like me, that I could resonate with. And I found myself having to read book by white women that I just couldn't fully relate to. But I read them because that's what was available and around en masse, let's say it that way. It was available and around en masse.
Faitth Brooks:
And so when you have to search long, far, and hard for books by people of color, by Black people, people that look like you that you can relate to in life, that's a problem. And so I wanted to be a part of the solution, and so I wrote a book. And I wrote it with my sisters in mind and I cannot wait. I can wait in some senses because it's nerve-racking, but I cannot wait for everybody to get it in their hands and to see how people receive it and how they enjoy the book.
Amena Brown:
Y'all better go to your favorite book selling. Go ahead and pre-order because you know what's good about a pre-order is two things. One, pre-orders help authors. So when you pre-order the book, it helps the author. And number two, you know what? It helps you because now you done pre-ordered it, you don't have to worry about remembering what day was it when Facebook was going to come out because it's going to show up right there at your door. Even if you pre-order the ebook, it's going to show up right there in your ereader as soon as it's out.
Amena Brown:
Sometimes, the people who pre-order, sometimes they get it a little bit early sometimes. Sometimes, y'all get a little early dibs. Sometimes, it shows up before the actual release day. I'm trying to put y'all on this game, okay? So you need to go to there and Faitth, the people are like, I would like to go to a place where I can find more information about Faitth Brooks. Where should the people go?
Faitth Brooks:
You can go to faitthbrooks.com. I'm going to keep it easy for you. All of my links to my social media are there. My handles on social media is FaitthB. Just my name is spelled out Faitth with two T's, the letter B. You are going to find me everywhere. Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, Facebook, all the places. And every link you could want is on my website. So, I got you.
Amena Brown:
And be there, people. Make sure you do that. Oh my gosh, Faitth, I'm so excited. I'm so glad that we are in real life and internet friends because it has made my life so much better being your friend. And I'm going to tell y'all something that y'all might not know about Faitth. Faitth, be meeting with you in a coffee place somewhere. She'd be on a trip with you somewhere.
Amena Brown:
And she'd be telling you, "In a few years, I'm going to blah, blah, blah, blah," and in a few years she'd do it. Because she said a few years ago to some of us on a trip at an undisclosed location, but the other women listening know they was out on trip too. And she said to us in the back of this van like, it's a book for me. It's a book for me. It's some books for me that are inside of me. I know that's happening.
Amena Brown:
So, to see that coming to fruition now, Faitth, it just makes me like so damn proud to be your friend in real life and on the internet folks, both places. Faitth, thank you so, so much for joining me here in the living room. Y'all, be good friends, whether it's on the internet or in real life. Get you some good friends because they're wonderful. Thanks so much.
Amena Brown:
HER with Amena Brown is produced by Matt Owen for Sol Graffiti Productions as a part of the Seneca Women Podcast network in partnership with iHeartRadio. Thanks for listening. And don't forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.